When The Past Becomes Present

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I really don’t want to go backwards. Like many of us there are things and people I would rather not revisit in my older years. Some have specific reasons, others do not.

A week or so ago I had someone from my past make themselves present. An old, old friend who because of time and life itself is now more an acquaintance than anything else. As we grow older we change, all of us do and when you haven’t seen or spoken to someone in many years you truly no longer know that person as you once did.

When we were teenagers we were very close friends along the lines of brother and sister. We reconnected through Facebook somewhere around five years ago and it didn’t go well. I had grown up and changed and so had he. Before we go any further, I said it’s a he. Let me answer the question in your mind, No, there was never any kind of romantic involvement. We were truly just good teenage friends.

Our re-connection five years ago showed how very, very different we are as grown adults. Because of this the “friendship’ ended on a sour note and I thought nothing else about it since that time. Fast forward to last week. I received a message from this person on Facebook and I hesitated to answer for twenty four hours. I then began to feel guilty. Why guilt? Well because I’m a Christian and we are not supposed to turn our backs on anyone so I answered my old friend and then I gave permission for a phone call. During the phone call he told me he loved me and I said I love you too. Remember, this kind of love is friend love, not romantic love.

Truth is, while I do feel sad for the stuff he’s going through, eighty percent of it is his own doing and with all that  I have in my own life with my own poor health, my husbands health, our financial issue’s, my dogs, my home, my extended family I really, really do not need nor want people in my life who are one hundred percent negative and one hundred percent drama all the time. I was contacted by him again two days ago asking me when would be a good time to call and I never answered. I just do not want to go back there. My gut is screaming at me not to get involved again. My mother always taught me, “follow your gut” but at the same time in this situation I also feel guilty. I love him as I love others but sometimes just because you love someone doesn’t mean you need to involve yourself in something knee deep that you know will only hurt you in one way or another.

What would you do? What is your advice?

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Yes, I have it.

Like clockwork, every…..single…….month…….

It’s that time of the month again, sorry gentlemen but yaknow, it’s real life.. I’m forty-eight I thought by now I’d be close to finishing with the PMS.. You ladies understand what I’m talking about don’t you?.. I mean, c’mon!!

I don’t know about the rest of ya’ll ladies but for me, once a month I get weepy now, and real philosophical.. I climb into my my own thoughts and boy, do I think! The last few months my deep thinking has been about social media and my use of it..or should I say my, wasting time on it..I’ve grappled with this for a long time now and I can’t believe I have finally been able to admit to myself WHY I’ve grappled with it for so long.. 

I have it.. Yep, I definitely have it. I have denied I’ve had it for almost two years or more. I have been in denial because oh, “I’m not like them”. “I’m stronger than those kind of people.” You know the ones I mean. Attached at the ear to the phone. Always scrolling through Facebook, Twitter, Instagram etc.. Yeah, those kind of people.

Guess what? I AM like those people. I AM one of those people. I have… FOMO!! I still can’t wrap my head around it. In case you don’t know what “FOMO” is it means, Fear Of Missing Out.. But tell me, WHAT AM I MISSING OUT ON? After sitting here today thinking about this on and off all day and I do mean…..all day… Yes it’s that time of the month, I realized also, I’m not missing out on anything.

Before I joined social media which by the way I fought against for about four years, I didn’t think I was missing out on anything. I filled my time actually doing things. Even if it was sitting down reading a book, watching an old black and white movie, crocheting something or just laying down listening to all the bugs at night that make those cool and relaxing sounds that God gave them to make. 

I WANT TO GO BACK THERE.. But, the only way I can do that is by taking control of what I consume and how much of it I consume. I believe I am finally at a place where I am ready to take control of the social media monster. I don’t believe I will leave it totally but the endless hours of scrolling, scrolling, scrolling until my eyes are cross eyed are over for me. I will be blogging more, YouTubing less, I will be putting much more into my blog and maybe Instagram and much, much less time scrolling brain dead through Facebook and Twitter.. 

I guess being forty-eight and still dealing with PMS can be good for something…..


I’m Sorry

Hello my dear readers,

My goodness I just realized something tonight.

I have not been getting notified by blogger about any comments left on my posts. So I went back and looked and there were many un-responded to comments. I just went back and responded to them all. So please forgive me. I was not ignoring you . I feel so bad.. Responding to comments is important to me. When someone takes time from their day, time is a precious commodity that we can never get back, to come to my blog, read my post and comment,  I want to get back to you as soon as I can. It also lets me get to know you better 🙂 

I’m also sorry for not posting as much. I really wanted to begin posting a lot this year but life ALWAYS has a way of getting in the way. In February my husband became gravely ill. It was frightening, stressful and absolutely exhausting. I am still trying to recoup. Thanks to the good Lord, my husband is recovering but it’s a process so my life has been consumed with caring for him, my brood of dogs, my home and somehow trying to take care of my own body which, I always fall short on..

I am trying however to put some more posts together and to go to your blogs and read, comment etc because I miss you all.. 

So please forgive me for the missed comments and being MIA.. 

Hope to see you soon 🙂 

Spring Has Sprung In The South

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I think it’s official. Spring has finally sprung in the South. We have had an unseasonable cold and longer-ish winter this year in my part of South Carolina near the coast but, I see new signs of life all over my property.

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The pear tree has some new blooms.

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And the peach blossoms are also blooming. While taking some of these photos the bees were also buzzing doing their annual pollinating dance.

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Yes, even weeds can be pretty and bring back memories. When we were young children we used to pick these, make a wish and blow the heads away into the wind. Did you do that?

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And once my cherry tree begins to blossom I know it’s officially spring. Welcome new life.

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I Ain’t Doin It

Well folks a new year has begun and along with it comes those dreaded ‘resolutions’ that so many people make.

As for myself, I stopped making resolutions years ago. I think they just put more added pressure on us, as if we didn’t already have enough and, when these ‘resolutions’ aren’t met they lead to let down and for some, even depression. So my question is, Why do that to yourself…My answer is, Nuh uh, I ain’t doin it.

I will tell you however what I do, do. Do do? Hmmm. Moving on..
Now I guess you can call them goals if you like but I still feel like that’s too much pressure so I call it aspirations. Things I would like to aspire to do. Sounds better doesn’t it? It also doesn’t feel pressurized to me either.
So what are my aspirations for this fresh new year?
Each day I want to become closer to the Lord through scripture reading, meditation and prayer. I want to know Him more. How can I say “I love you Lord” if I don’t know him? I want to spend more time with Him because that’s what we do with those we love isn’t it?
I do not make ‘plans’ for the future for two reasons. 1. As the old saying goes, “man plans, God laughs” and 2. We each are never guaranteed another day. We have only this very moment. God holds our very next breath in His loving hands. So instead of ‘planning’ I live for the moment and will try as best I can to make good use of the time the good Lord sees fit to give me.
I would like my social media time to become minimal. I think back to the days before I joined Facebook, Twitter, YouTube etc. and I remember what I used to do before these things. While social media can be helpful it can also be very hurtful in that it takes us away from what we truly enjoy. If anyone tells you there’s no such thing as social media addiction you tell them they’re wrong. Because they are. I want to get back to living life and not through a computer or iPhone screen.
I would like to get back to my blogging on a regular basis. My blog began as some place for me to share the ordinary of my daily life. And this is something I would really love to get back too.
I would like to keep ontop of my e-mails instead of letting them pile up to over five hundred e-mails and missing important e-mails from people I like and love because they got lost in the shuffle. I have already begun to unsubscribe from many store adverts and newsletters. Only keeping the ones I truly enjoy.
I would like to ‘spend more time’ with my husband. You know, after being married so many years, many of us get into a rut. We live in the same house but most of the time we are off in separate rooms doing our own things. Me and the Mr. are no different but I would like this to change. We have become too ‘comfortable” I think it’s time we become ‘uncomfortable’ and learn a ‘new kind of comfortable’ together.
I would like to go to bed earlier and rise earlier. I love the early morning hours. If only my eyes would stay open.
And lastly, I would like to live my motto. I want to just………..live Simply.
So what about you? What are YOUR aspirations for this fresh new year?