I really don’t want to go backwards. Like many of us there are things and people I would rather not revisit in my older years. Some have specific reasons, others do not.
A week or so ago I had someone from my past make themselves present. An old, old friend who because of time and life itself is now more an acquaintance than anything else. As we grow older we change, all of us do and when you haven’t seen or spoken to someone in many years you truly no longer know that person as you once did.
When we were teenagers we were very close friends along the lines of brother and sister. We reconnected through Facebook somewhere around five years ago and it didn’t go well. I had grown up and changed and so had he. Before we go any further, I said it’s a he. Let me answer the question in your mind, No, there was never any kind of romantic involvement. We were truly just good teenage friends.
Our re-connection five years ago showed how very, very different we are as grown adults. Because of this the “friendship’ ended on a sour note and I thought nothing else about it since that time. Fast forward to last week. I received a message from this person on Facebook and I hesitated to answer for twenty four hours. I then began to feel guilty. Why guilt? Well because I’m a Christian and we are not supposed to turn our backs on anyone so I answered my old friend and then I gave permission for a phone call. During the phone call he told me he loved me and I said I love you too. Remember, this kind of love is friend love, not romantic love.
Truth is, while I do feel sad for the stuff he’s going through, eighty percent of it is his own doing and with all that I have in my own life with my own poor health, my husbands health, our financial issue’s, my dogs, my home, my extended family I really, really do not need nor want people in my life who are one hundred percent negative and one hundred percent drama all the time. I was contacted by him again two days ago asking me when would be a good time to call and I never answered. I just do not want to go back there. My gut is screaming at me not to get involved again. My mother always taught me, “follow your gut” but at the same time in this situation I also feel guilty. I love him as I love others but sometimes just because you love someone doesn’t mean you need to involve yourself in something knee deep that you know will only hurt you in one way or another.
What would you do? What is your advice?
This morning we had to take Toby, one of our six dogs to the vet. He has some sort of skin allergy that seems to pop up each year for the last three.I really didn’t want to go there this morning because if you read my last post, my sweet baby girl was an employee of my vet and I just wasn’t ready to face anyone there or the office but, Toby needed to be seen and I knew I wanted to be there for him because as much as I love my husband when it comes to medical terms be it human or animal he can confuse things pretty quickly.
Continue reading “Rough Day”
It’s been a while since I’ve said hello and I apologize for that. Strike it up to the business of life and well, just flat out laziness when it comes to my blog but, I’m hoping to change that. Actually, I’m hoping to change a few things. I’ll tell you about that in a different post. In the past I have done YouTube videos sharing my weekends on a Sunday morning video but I’ve decided I like putting it on my blog So, I thought I would share this past weekend with you and what we did..
For once it was actually a nice quiet weekend which, for those of you who know me is a real rarity in our lives. But this weekend I truly enjoyed myself. The only thing that was missing was being able to attend Mass but my body seems to predict most of what I do and don’t do whether my mind agrees or not.
Being I wasn’t feeling up to par to go out anywhere, on Saturday night we had our best friends Linda and Bill over for some coffee and fun. We played this card game called “bulls*it”. Yes you read that right. It was so much fun! We had a lot of laughs and played quite a few hands.
On Sunday, it was just Lou and I and the four legged kiddos. We didn’t do much at all . I did my usual morning stuff like, feed the dogs, clean the kitchen, make the bed but other than that I pretty much lazed around the house for most of the day doing what I wanted. We actually sat in quiet for a long time watching the kiddos play then Lou and I played some Gin Rummy. He always wins! but that’s okay, we haven’t done that together in a long, long time. It’s the little things people.
I spent a lot of time in the morning catching up on my reading. I’ve started a five year spiritual reading journey and I needed to get caught up and I surely did!
No, we didn’t watch the Super Bowl. My team wasn’t in it and I just well, couldn’t ‘get into it ‘ this year so instead, Sunday night I spent working on my crochet and catching up on the few TV shows I had on my DVR. It was a nice quiet weekend with no real cooking to do because I had so many left overs. Score!
Thank you for reading my post and please stay tuned to my blog as I will be adding more posts this week.
I hope you all had an enjoyable peaceful weekend.
Today we celebrated my husbands fifty-ninth birthday. We had a nice day together that we also shared with our best friends Bill & Linda.
The temperature outside was a balmy thirty some odd degrees but the love shared on this day made for a nice warm and cozy day together celebrating my husband. I had so many thoughts and feelings when I woke up this morning, mostly, thankfulness. We decided that we would stay home, I would make a nice dinner and we’d have some birthday cake and that’s exactly what we did and I thought I would share some photos of the day with you.
This is my handsome birthday boy..
A kiss to start the day!
I forgot to take a photo of the dinner we had. I made a nice ham along with some green beans, a salad and some biscuits. I did however take a video of us singing Happy Birthday to my handsome man. Yeah, don’t turn your sound up too loud because we sound like a few suffering cows. What can I tell ya, singing is not our strong suit.
from on Vimeo.
Then it was time to cut the cake !
After cake, we, meaning Me, Lou, Bill & Linda decided to take some photos but Bill, our resident comedian decided to goof around. He always makes us laugh..
This is myself and my bestie Linda
And of course even though with time boys turn into men they are still always little boys at heart. They look like two little boys playing in the backyard. Bill is messing around and Lou has this intent look on his face while he’s watching Bill play with my salt and pepper shakers as if they are nine years old again and Lou can’t wait to see what Bill will do next.. LOL
And then it was time to say G’night.
There are many days, okay, most days that I try very hard not to complain, not to show how I am feeling and or I blow it off as no big deal but lately, sheeweee, I am having a really hard time with this.
I am beginning to wonder if the last Twenty Two or Twenty Six years are finally catching up with me. I say take your pick between years because I was originally diagnosed with Lyme Disease in 1990 but it didn’t completely disabled me until 1994 so, take your pick. To me, twenty two, twenty six, it really doesn’t matter. Bottom line is, it’s been a long time.
The last eight months or so I now suffer daily, excruciating pain like I never had in all my years of chronic illness. Which tells me, either something ‘new’ is going on or the old stuff is getting worse. I haven’t figured it out yet, don’t know if I ever will.
One of the hardest parts is living in the South none of the doctors here and trust me, I’ve seen plenty of them understand , are not educated in nor do they care to be educated in Lyme disease and it’s associated tick born illnesses. It kind of leaves me hanging on a cliff daily just wondering when I’ll fall over. Not the easiest way to live but, I have faith that God knows what’s in store for me be it good or bad I know He will be with me.
Each day I literally drag myself out of bed and force myself to begin the day with whatever that entails. Usually it’s feeding the five mouths with four paws and then it’s off to the races taking care to see my husband has what he needs and then what my house needs. In typical female fashion I put my own needs last but as of late, I’m not even sure what those needs are anymore. See what I’m saying? My brain fog is so thick that if I were a boat lost at sea in the fog I’d capsize and drown. Not so sure I’m not drowning now but I will continue to do as I try too. Each day I will give my life and my day to the Lord, ask for guidance, ask for the intelligence to recognize his guidance and then follow it and Him.