Corona Diaries 4-4-2020

lit-candle-png-2

Today is Saturday April 4th 2020 and for the most part it’s been a quiet day.

I left the house this morning at seven – thirty am to head over to our local Walgreens to pick up one of the prescriptions my husbands doctor had called him in on Friday that the pharmacy was able to fill.  When I returned home I did my usual cleaning up of the kitchen and straightening of the house. That didn’t take too long and so I was finally able to get to my house plants that have been seriously needing my attention for a few weeks now.

I watered them all and gave my spider plant that is over twenty five years old a good bath and hair cut as I call it. I snip off all the dead ends and spruce him up a bit. Yes I call the plant a him and sometimes I even talk to him. I remember scientists said it’s good to talk to your plants because they can hear you and respond. Now I don’t know if that’s true but I figure it can’t hurt. This plant has been with me since approximately 1992. My mom, God rest her soul made it for me when I moved into my apartment after being married and it has traveled with me through three different houses and one state move. He’s resilient I will say that.

Tonight I had to put Alvin, that’s my twenty two pound chi-mix into the sink and give him a bath. Every year when it begins to get warm here he goes through an itching phase. Neither myself nor his vets can figure it out. Tonight I gave him a benedryl and a warm bath with a medicated shampoo made for itching. For now it seems to have helped him some so he can rest. I may have no choice but to take him to the vet this week and have him get a steroid shot.

Speaking of leaving the house. My state does not have a stay in place order in effect as of now. I don’t know how I feel about those orders either but I will say, as I am sitting here tonight I can physically see why some states are enforcing them. As I look out my window I can see the neighbors across the street are having yet another soccer game on their property. This goes on every weekend in the warm months. They had a weekend long party last weekend. These people simply do not believe that staying away from others to stop the spread of Coronavirus applies to them and they aren’t the only ones.

Our public beach access was closed last week for the same reason. People, spring breakers, getting together in droves on the beach. Yesterday I had to go to the store to pick up the items the doctor recommended my husband have. That grocery store was packed with people. All those people needed to go out for “essential items“? I drove past Lowes and the parking lot was packed with people, Walmart was packed with people, Dollar stores, Target etc.  People are not listening.

Part of the problem in my state of South Carolina is that we are not testing nearly enough so for now in my county and state the positive cases and death rate is low. People I guess are taking a false sense of security in that. If and when we do begin testing on a massive scale I am afraid both cases and deaths are going to explode here. It doesn’t help that we have a governor who seems to be living in his own little bubble. He seems to think we are a “unique kind of people here in South Carolina“(his words not mine)  I have no idea what in the hell he’s even talking about and neither does mostly anyone else.

What on earth would make us so unique? Nothing. I’ve been sick many years and I know first hand, illness of any kind does not discriminate.. It doesn’t care about your race, gender, financial status, nothing. So what this man is talking about, I haven’t a clue.

I know for us I am trying my best to be at home as much as possible. I do have to go out because I have a husband who needs things because of his health, me as well and I have five dogs who also need things for their health. I believe these are essential reasons for leaving the house. Anything else? Not so much.

2b209-new-sig

Corona Diaries 4-3-2020

lit-candle-png-2

Well, again…. it’s been a day.. As per usual nothing went as expected. I really need to listen to that old saying because it’s so true… Men plan and God laughs.

My morning began with me knowing I had to go out to the bank, to Walgreen’s to pick up prescriptions for my husband and to the drive up at the vet to get their medication. All essential outings. I sat down with my coffee at the dining room table and also mapped out how many pairs of gloves I’d need, masks, and wipes. How to handle the bags, how to wash everything when I got inside etc.

After running those three errands, I came home and did all the ‘things’ to disinfect. I was kind of tired so was getting ready to sit down for a while when my husband said, ” I don’t feel well”. You can imagine my thoughts because of all that is going on. He said his lungs hurt and were burning when he breathes in, he has the chills and he feels run down.

First thing I did was call our local health department line to see what my next move was. I was told to call my doctor which I did. At twelve- thirty his doctor called us on Face-time. He says he does not think it’s Coronavirus but he can’t be one hundred percent sure as of yet. He says my husband is not showing hardcore symptoms yet and because of that he wouldn’t be tested yet. So, he called him in an antibiotic along with telling him if at any point he runs a fever or breathing is worse we are to go to straight to the ER. So far, he has no fever, says his breathing hasn’t gotten worse and his pulse OX (yes we have a finger O2 meter here at home) has been normal. For this weekend it will be keeping an eye on him. Please keep us in your prayers.

My husband is also having trouble with his intestines as well. Two years ago he was in the hospital for four days with a tube up his nose and down into his stomach. He had an intestinal blockage and we don’t want or need that to happen again. So along with the antibiotic the doctor also said soft foods like soups, eggs, pudding. He said my husband looked somewhat dehydrated and to get some gatorade and drink water. Well of course I don’t normally have some of these things on hand so that meant going back out to the store. (think petri dish).

Before I went to the store a few hours later, I called Walgreen’s to see if his antibiotic was ready. Turns out, the way the doctor wrote the script and the amount don’t match up and they can’t fill it until they speak to him. Guess what? It was 4pm on a Friday. Doctors office was closed and their emergency number is not working. It’s a good thing we have a whole course of antibiotics here he can start in the meantime. If your’e wondering why I did not make a pick up order for the grocery store, I did. They are so low on stock by the time they got done texting me what they didn’t have I had no other choice but to go there physically and see what I could get.

On a brighter note, my great nieces birthday is today. She turned six years old. I got to Face-time with her and her daddy who is my baby (my nephew). That was the bright spot in my day. As for myself, I’m just tired. I am surrendering all of this and us to the good Lord and praying for an increase in my faith and trust, perseverance and courage to do His Holy Will and not that of my own.

2b209-new-sig

Corona Diaries 3-31-2020

lit-candle-png-2

After the post I put up last night I knew I needed to sit down and get my brains straightened out. So, I did…

 

I actually took out my journal and began to make a sort of list. I needed to put things into perspective for my own mental health and I wanted to share it with you in the hope it may help you also.  T will stand for “Thought” and CT will stand for Counter Thought. This is a trick I learned to help me recover from severe anxiety disorder years ago and it does work.  Here is what I wrote last night :

T – This may very well kill those I love.

CT – Those I love including myself could die at any time for any number of reasons. You’ve learned that hard lesson too many times since childhood. Stop forgetting it but don’t obsess over it either.

T – This plague is killing thousands of people every day, we are surrounded by death.

CT – Influenza kills thousands of people every year. Every day we are surrounded by death we just don’t hear a lot about it.

T – This plague is so much more contagious than Influenza.

CT – Is it really? As of right now it seems to spread in the exact same way.

T – What have I touched? Have you disinfected enough? Did you do it correctly? Are you washing your hands enough?

CT – I remember as much as possible what and who I’ve come in contact with.  I have done my best to disinfect everything I can the way I know how. I wash my hands as I’ve been taught.

Conclusion : I am doing the best I can and asking God for His help. I am trying the best I can to do what I know and to leave all those I love and myself in Gods hands. No one can ask anymore than that from me not even myself.

2b209-new-sig

Corona Diaries 3-30-2020

Stop-the-Tears

I apologize for being missing in action the last few days. I had to take a break.

I needed a break or so I thought. Now I’m thinking maybe it wasn’t such a good idea.

In truth, it is getting to me. I thought I would be able to handle all that is happening or not happening but my brain feels like it’s going to explode. So many thoughts just racing through my mind. I’ve tried to stop them but it doesn’t seem to be working and it’s affecting every area of my life and I don’t know how to make it stop.

I haven’t watched the news, I’ve kept social media use to a minimum but still my thoughts go right back to all the questions, the uncertainty, the loss of life.

How much worse will it get? Will I lose someone I love? Will my husband get it? If he does will he survive it? Would I? Is it ever going to end? When it does what will life be like? Will I even be here? How would I make it without my husband?

See all those questions up there? Those are the first things you’re supposed to stop when trying to recover from anxiety disorder. I know all about the what if game. I played it for years, it ruled my life for years and it took me years and a lot of grace from God to get out from under it and lately I feel like I am being thrown right back down the rabbit hole again. I know in my heart I have control over that but, in a situation that none of us on this entire planet has ever had to deal with before, I do not know how to stop my slide.

I’ve been holding it together for the most part. On two occasions I have found myself in tears while in prayer. The loss of life is devastating and we know it’s going to get worse before it gets better. How many more people will have to pay for the evils of others?

No, I have not lost my faith but in truth, it’s shaking right now. I know Jesus is with me, us and I am trying best I can to fight my fear because fear is not from God. I beg His help with this but I also know I am human as well. I am not perfect and I don’t believe there has ever been a saint for all of their holiness who was never afraid at any moment. I believe that is impossible as a human being. The degree of fear is another thing but fear itself I believe is a natural human reaction no matter how much faith you have.

So, I will continue to beg God to end this scourge upon the humans of this earth, to send me His peace and fight it as best I can..

How are you doing?

 

Corona Diaries 3-24-2020

lit-candle-png-2

Well, it’s been a day…..

Still feeling uneasy. Okay, a bit more than uneasy. Spoke to a family member who is in New Jersey. All my family members other than my husband are still in New Jersey and unfortunately they are right next to New York City in a county that is being hard hit by the virus. I am scared for us and for them. They were going to have a get together this weekend for a birthday but thanks be to God my brother had enough sense to put that idea right out the window. Both my nephews are police officers and one of them is an officer in a major city. The conversation with my brother today was sobering to say the least.

He told me it’s really bad up there and he is trying to accept that it is possible one of us will be killed by this. I hated to talk about this but in a way, God forbid (prays) he could be right.

Then this morning my husbands feet decided to start swelling up. He has Congestive Heart Failure. His feet haven’t swelled in months. It has to start now?

For as much as he and I have talked about this virus and the precautions we need to take my husband had a major lapse in common sense this afternoon. In all honesty, I was so angry at him. He was not thinking, at all! We are having trouble with our cable router. So he decides to call the cable company and then make an appointment for a tech to come to our house this afternoon to replace it. I almost went through the roof. He actually sat there trying to convince me it would be okay. When I got frustrated enough by his stupidity I walked away to take a breath. About an hour later I told him. You HAVE to cancel that appointment and do it now. I do NOT want ANYONE coming into this house. You’re not thinking. This tech whoever they are has been in countless homes, in contact with countless people and you want him to come here? Are you seriously risking our lives for a cable modem? It can wait! Well, I think my yelling snapped him back to common sense because he agreed and cancelled it.. It wasn’t what I needed today..

Then this morning I went on Facebook and learned a man who works for EWTN for many years, written many books and has been a very big help to me personally is in the ICU with Coronavirus, his wife Stephanie is quarantined at home. Dan was born with lung disease so this is devastating. Please I beg of you, pray Dan and his wife pull through this.

Tonight I decided I will make a pick up order for food at FoodLion tomorrow. I sat down and mapped out how I would do this as cleanly as possible. From getting the groceries home, to getting them in the house and put away. I opened the app, put my items in the cart and went to check out. My card kept getting declined. So I go over to my banking app and see the CASH deposit I made yesterday is missing! I checked last night and it was in my account and available but yet tonight it was just, gone. It is all the money we have left for this month.

I called the bank and after being on hold for almost forty minutes the girl repeatedly says to me “I understand your concern we will open a claim and it should be resolved in two to three days”.. That was it. I hit my breaking point. I said to her, “You do NOT understand my concern. YOU have my money. It was CASH. I have the RECEIPT. It’s all the money I HAVE. I have to buy FOOD. I can NOT and WILL not wait two to three days to find out how you LOST my money. I need my money NOW.”

She then tells me it would be best if I went back to the branch office in my town. I blew. I said, “NO! We are in the middle of a pandemic or have you not been keeping up? I am high risk, I am pretty much sheltering in place. I didn’t even go INSIDE yesterday! YOU need to fix this RIGHT NOW”…

She put me on hold for what seemed like another forty minutes, when she comes back to the line it seems, while I was on hold my deposit just happened to “suddenly show up again and was now available.”..

I said to my husband, all day long my anxiety has been tested. I am exhausted. I can’t take many more days like this and it’s only just beginning here in my state…

79931-new-sig