A Heart Crying Out


You saw the title of the this post, never thought I’d find myself here but, here I am.

For those who don’t know I am Catholic. If you’ve paid attention to any kind of news in the last two years then you know the hierarchy in my church has become a cesspool from the top straight on down to the bottom. For those of us who love our ancient Catholic Faith and the Lords Church this has affected us deeply. Some it has completely destroyed.

As for me, I’m hanging on. By a thin thread but I’m hanging on. I am deeply hurt to say the least. I have so many thoughts about my faith that I can’t contain them all in my head anymore. I thought maybe if I blogged about them it might help? I don’t know. 

Let me say, I love, love my Catholic Faith and I love, love the ancient teachings and traditions of the Catholic Church. It is, the One True Church. The bride of Christ. I will not leave her but I would be lying if I said I am not struggling, deeply. To the point I feel almost completely lost. 

Another thing I want to point out, even though there is massive corruption on every scale, we DO have a very few truly, humble, holy, faithful Cardinals to name a few, Cardinal Burke, Cardinal Sarah, a very few humble, holy, faithful Bishops. To name a few, Archbishop Athanasius Schneider, Archbishop Carlo Maria Vigano. We have many holy, humble, faithful Priests although sadly, now, they are extremely hard to find.

The state of the Church is like the state of my country. Divided. Deeply. Right now in the Catholic Church there are actually two Churches. One of which is made up of faithful, tradition, Catholics obedient to the Word of God and His Laws and the other church where they are trying to destroy everything that has stood for over two thousand years and make the Church into mans image not Gods image.

Tragically, many in the priesthood regardless of rank and many of the laity have fallen for the church of the father of lies and they want to destroy those of us who haven’t and refuse to. Only by the grace of God that is.

For myself, I’m confused. I have not lost my faith in the Lord. I have however lost my trust in the men who run our Church. They can not be trusted and worse yet, you don’t know who to trust. Every day for the last twenty four months more and more keeps coming out about more corruption on levels I can’t even process. This has I must admit dimmed my light. I understand that all of this must come to the forefront if it is to be destroyed, and we must always hope in the Lord no matter what but I can’t say I have not been discouraged because I have. 

For me, this massive, massive crisis in the Church (Cdl. Wherl reference) has my heart torn apart. It’s killing me and it’s killing me because I love the Catholic Faith so much. Then there is the Mass. Up until fifty years ago we had the Latin Mass which is the Mass of the Ages. That has been stolen from us, they, those who are trying to destroy the Church from within have stolen the beauty of our Faith, the Ancient Traditions. They have raped the bride of Christ, stripped her and are very close to leaving an empty shell. 

I know in the my heart the Latin Mass is the right Mass. It is, the Mass of the Ages. I have only attended the Novus Ordo Mass because I was born after Vatican II but I am having more than a hard time attending this Mass anymore. I know it isn’t right. At the same time, I do not want to stay away because to stay away from the only Mass I have in my area would be to stay away from the Lord in the Blessed Sacrament which to me is life itself. 

Over the last few months I have found myself giving into laziness and the things of this world. Putting them above God. Such as social media, watching, TV or working on a hobby instead of reading Scripture, praying, going to Mass, Confession etc. I am becoming like the rest of the world. Luke warm, maybe even cold? I do not want it to be this way. 

So you see, I am hurt and I am confused. If you have read this post thank you. I am sure this will not be interesting to many if anyone at all but on the slim chance you did read it, please pray for me. I need all the help I can get at the moment. 


3 thoughts on “A Heart Crying Out

  1. I am not Catholic, but am a devout Christian. I have been sad about the things that have come out about the Catholic leadership, and I only know the things that have been in the media. I don’t have any answers, but I can imagine your pain and that of others who are truly devout. I hope you can find a way out of the wilderness you must feel. As you wrote there are some leaders who are truly following Christ, but others who have another agenda. Sometimes it’s hard to find the sheep among the wolves. My prayers are with you.


    1. Hi Kim, Well I am finding myself at SSPX believe it or not. They are not sedevecantists and Bishop Lefebvre followed his heart when he saw things being destroyed by all the rot that seems to have been coming forth after Vatican II. I’ve read his reasons, his thoughts and I find myself agreeing with him 100%. Only problem is of course you know the area, we dont’ have an SSPX Chapel here but we do have Blessed Hopko which is a Byzantine Catholic Rite, the priest comes about once a month I think and I can attend Mass and receive the Sacraments there so I just have to keep track of when he comes. I just absolutely can not handle St James anymore. A lot has changed I will admit since Fr Borda became Pastor but it’s not enough. It’s still a mess and I can’t handle it anymore. I do hope you and Bob are well..


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