I have been really trying to keep myself in denial about this year being a bad one but I can’t do that anymore.
I have had so many friends and acquaintances tell me here and there in our conversations that this year has been horrible for them. In my mind I keep saying, it’s not been that bad. It’s been good for us. I was happily keeping myself in denial refusing to look at it as bad but the truth is, it’s been a bad year and it’s only half way over. That thought in itself makes me shudder…
I almost lost my husband in February of the this year to bi-lateral pneumonia. He had to be put on a breathing ventilator, he was in ICU and had a seven day hospital stay. It was horrific but, my mind recovered from that somewhat or, I just decided to not think about it and so I’ve been carrying on.
I lost a good friend unexpectedly on my birthday to sudden heart attack and then two weeks later I had a devastating loss. A young woman whom I loved more like a daughter was killed in a horrific car wreck caused by a drunk driver. It took me a bit to be able to move forward after that. In between all this my husband has had some health issue’s as well and in May we had to put our dog Jake down after thirteen years..
The last month or so has been relatively quiet but like a lot of people I am always waiting for the other shoe to drop. Then one night I realized that life is nothing but peaks and valleys. Peaks are the good times and the valleys are the times that test everything we believe, everything we think we are it can test our very lives. It seems for us anyway, we have more valleys than peaks and I thought to myself, “better enjoy this peak because sooner or later you’re going to find yourself back in a valley again”
And so it is.. Back in a valley again. For those of you who have been around my blog or YouTube channel for sometime know of my best friend Linda. We have a pretty large age gap of twenty nine years, we do not agree on anything politically…at …..all but despite these things, Linda and are like peas and carrots. She is and has been the Ethel to my Lucy. I even bought her a coffee cup that says just that!… We have been very close friends for the last thirteen years.
On Wednesday July 11th, Linda was diagnosed with small cell lung cancer. And now that I’ve typed that out I”m sitting here looking at the blinking cursor unsure of what comes next. She doesn’t see the oncologist until July 31st and I am trying to glean some sort of hope out of that thinking that if it were ‘that bad’ she would be in the oncology office much sooner than that but, that still small voice also tells me that, that is false hope. Small cell lung cancer is bad, prognosis is bad no matter how you look at it. We don’t know what stage it is yet but it seems that everything I’ve read, it really doesn’t matter. The prognosis, with or without treatment is just, well….bad.
I am worried about her, I’m worried about her husband Bill, I”m worried about what the next few months will bring.
I am also worried about my husband, that’s a whole other post and I will get to that. Right now I am just trying to process this and I thought I was doing well with it until this morning. I think the reality of this is beginning to set in and it’s, ugly.
Please pray for my bestie Linda and her husband Bill. Ask the Lord to guide them and help them make the the toughest decisions they will ever have to make in the next few months.
As for 2018, Is it a bad year? I guess so. I’ve been happily walking around in a cloud of denial for so many reasons all year but I’m being pulled out of my happy little cloud. I need to cling to the Lord because when I think about all the people I love, everything I am blessed with, in the end, He is all I have.. Please pray that I can be the good wife and the good friend that I have been but need to be even more so now..