This morning we had to take Toby, one of our six dogs to the vet. He has some sort of skin allergy that seems to pop up each year for the last three. I really didn’t want to go there this morning because if you read my last post, my sweet baby girl was an employee of my vet and I just wasn’t ready to face anyone there or the office but, Toby needed to be seen and I knew I wanted to be there for him because as much as I love my husband when it comes to medical terms be it human or animal he can confuse things pretty quickly.
When we arrived I have to admit I had the internal jitters and all I kept thinking was, “please don’t let me see anyone that was also close to Kristie, I’m not ready to deal with it yet”.. I took a deep breath and we walked in. The lobby was empty except for one woman and her cat and there was a girl behind the reception area that I didn’t know. I was thankful. And then I happened to turn around……… There on the counter was a huge 8×10 of my Kristie, along with a burning candle on one side and fresh flowers on the other. This photo to be exact…
It sort of sent a jolt through me because I wasn’t expecting it and I tried very hard to hold it in. That lasted all of maybe three seconds and the flood gates opened up. The girl behind the counter gave me some tissue’s, she didn’t ask what was wrong, I guess maybe she knew and I finally said to my husband I need to get out of here call me when they call Toby in. I walked outside for a few minutes to take some deep breaths and stop the tears. I wanted to stay out there but it’s gotten hot here in the South compiled with the humidity and trust me, the last thing your body wants is to stay outside.
Once I was able to get myself together I went back in and took a seat in the lobby and my brain just kind of felt like it became numb. I felt very tired, very worn. We sat there for what seemed like forever. It was a long wait which is unusual. Once in the exam room I was a okay but just felt drained emotionally. The doctor finally came in and we got Toby all taken care of and I thought I was going to escape anymore tears, in the office anyway and then she said, “Kristie”.. That was it. The tears just ran down my face. There wasn’t even a pause it was like someone just flipped a switch real quick and there they were.
I couldn’t speak much, my husband did the talking and finally I said, I have to go.. She was very understanding, I paid the bill and we left… I talked to Jesus tonight and told Him I am sad. My heart truly understands what the word “sad” means and I don’t want to be sad anymore..
Hopefully soon, some of this will lift. In the meantime I am trying to be patient with myself. Easier said than done.