Stop, Let Me Off


Oh how I wish life would just stop throwing curve balls.  There never seems to be any length of time where things are quiet, serene, boring. I would give much to have that for a long while. 

Most of my readers know my husband suffered a heart attack back in 2016. Since then it’s been an emotional and frightening roller coaster ride. One thing after another with his health, questions, unknowns, uncertainty, relief, anxiety, fear etc. I’ve walked on eggshells for the last nineteen months every single day and this past month has been no exception. Since Oct of 2016 my husband has suffered from fluid retention (edema) in his right shin and ankle of what we were told was ‘unknown origin” except that he has what is called diastolic heart failure so it was probably from that but, ‘not dangerous’. This past month he began complaining of chest pain (different from his heart attack pain) and shortness of breath. Off to the cardiologist we went. 

Another heart catherization was set up. For those who don’t know what that is, its where they thread a small camera up a main artery, in this case they went through my husbands right wrist, directly into the heart so they can see the arteries etc. We were told the stent placed last year was wide open, the other blockage he has is actually reversing itself and all was well that his chest pain and shortness of breath were non – cardiac. 

A week later I came down with the dreaded Flu which settled in my top teeth and then caused a horrific tooth abscess on top of the flu with it’s fevers, muscle pain etc. Last week was a pretty tough week physically for me because it has also made my rheumatoid arthritis flare as well . 

Last week we also saw our regular MD to talk about what could be happening with my husband. Our MD sent him in for a CT scan of his chest and lungs on Thursday. He was concerned about a blood clot in the lungs or worse. Such as lung cancer, COPD etc. To say it was a long emotional weekend would be an understatement. The results came in today, Monday. Seems, thanks be to God, he doesn’t have any of the above but what he does have is fluid in his lungs to go along with the fluid in his abdomen, shin and ankle. Yes, we were told the heart was fine and this is pretty much what I looked like when I got off the phone with our MD’s nurse. 

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I called the cardiologist right away. After a few phone calls back and forth with me explaining to the nurse that our MD says the fluid is coming from his heart failure, (my husband has diastolic thickening and dysfunction) the cardiologist has now started my husband on a double dose of Lasix (water pill) as of tonight and then regular dose each day until we see him along with sending us an order for blood work to check his kidneys as water pills can be hard on the kidneys and dangerous all the way around. 

Oh, in the middle of all of this, we also saw my husbands pain doctor. For those who don’t know, he has had 9 back surgeries since 2005 and has horrible nerve damage in his spine. He began testing at the pain doctor for an internal stimulator to be implanted soon but now, that’s on hold until we can get this edema (fluid retention) under control along with the chest pain and shortness of breath. 

As I am writing this tonight, the pain in my hands from the RA is pretty intense despite my medication and I am sitting atop of my bed, all dogs around me and two on the bed, all sleeping. No television, no music, no YouTube videos playing.  In silence because at this very moment that’s what I need. Silence. Someday’s I just want the train of life to stop and let me off.

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One thought on “Stop, Let Me Off

  1. I’m so sorry you both have been on this horrible, painful roller coaster. I hope that this treatment will reduce the water buildup for Lou, and your RA flare up subsides. Praying for healing for you both.


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