How Did This Happen?

Don't complicate your mind.

Well, honestly I don’t even think it has sunk in yet but it’s here and I can’t deny it any longer. You’re probably wondering what I am speaking of. I am speaking of my youth. Its dwindling and, the proof has been put before me so that even though I see some wrinkles when I look in the mirror and make excuses and I have grey hairs, too many to count now but can cover them with hair dye there are just some things that there can be no excuses for. I am talking about menopause.

Yep, I am wading into that unknown valley. I began my menstrual cycle on June 30th and it didn’t end until July 15th. Yes, you read that right. Somewhere about the 12th I realized that hey, “wait a minute, I still have my period?!?”… Yup, it took me that long to realize it was still there because life gets busy and I was paying no attention to it until I did. I called my doctor that day in a slight panic because while it seemed like it was ending. Late that afternoon it began to pick up speed again and I thought, somethings wrong.

My doctor gave me an appointment for the next day but told me if I felt weak or sick I should go to the emergency room. I had been feeling less than stellar and more tired than usual but with all my chronic conditions it’s not un-normal for me to have times where I feel like this.

But, on the morning of the 13th I awoke feeling so incredibly weak I didn’t know if I my legs would hold me up if I got out of bed. My husband decided we shouldn’t wait for the doctor appointment and took me to the emergency room.

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As you can see in the photo I was not looking my best nor feeling it either.  After having an IV started on me and of course intake by the nurse the doctor came in… He said to me he would run some blood work but after listening to me he believes it’s most likely the beginning of menopause.

Doctor: “how old are you ?”

Me: “47”

Doctor ” Yep, the perfect age, it’s more than likely menopause but lets make sure and see where your blood levels are at”.

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Yes, that’s the look I gave him. Kind of shock, disbelief and “are you freakin kidding me?”

Then they left me sitting there for almost two hours. I’m thinking they wanted to let me stew ruminate on the shining news he gave me which translated to me as, you’re drying up, no babies, weight gain you won’t be able to lose, dryer skin, more physical pain, thinning hair etc etc. All the things that come with getting older.

 Finally the nurse came in to give me my results which were normal, unhook my IV line, release me to go home and to tell me that, she was almost sixty and ‘it’ happened to her the exact same way and “if I was lucky this would be the last one and I would be done”..

Lucky I thought? How is that lucky? This means, no babies, this means an end to, to, well, my youth as I’ve always known it. An end to something although quite more than annoying that has been with me every month for almost my entire life. .What now?

Suddenly, I thought of God.

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And thought well, maybe I am looking at all this the wrong way. Maybe I need to see the positives of all this. While yes, that means, no babies it also means, possibly, no more monthly sickness, maybe no more migraines, maybe no more having to schedule my life around when it was going to hit and block of a week off every month to be more ill than I usually am.

Then God stepped in and showed me, the nurse is right. While this is sad for me in some ways I am truly lucky. There are so many women who have never lived long enough to go into menopause. While it’s not something women look forward to it is a milestone and I know of so many women whose lives were cut short for one reason or another and they never reached this milestone so God said to me, “instead of being ungrateful, be grateful and joyful because I have given you the time to reach this milestone”

And He’s right. So, I am on too the next chapter of my life however long or short that may be and I am going to embrace menopause as much as I can and live each day as much as I can with the knowledge that I am indeed…. lucky and blessed.

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