Some may ask, what causes me to do that? In a word? Grief. It all began around the year 2000. I had just lost my mom in 1999 to pancreatic cancer. She had been sick for a bit but we didn’t know why and the doctors couldn’t figure it out. By the time they did she was given six months to live and, the doctors were right. My mom passed away almost six months to the day after her diagnosis. I was my moms full time care giver as we moved her in with me. My mom was also my best friend in the entire world. She had just turned 56 two months before I lost her.
The relationship between myself and my mom was so deep and tight because, when I was nine years old and my father was thirty six, he died suddenly of a massive heart attack. One day he was there and then the next he wasn’t. As a little girl this did a number on my psyche. In a matter of hours my entire life was changed, my security in the world was gone. The man who always made everything okay no matter what happened was just…..gone.. never returning. So my mom and I became extremely close. Over the years as I grew up, while my mom still disciplined me from time to time we were more best friends. I shared everything with her. Even when I was teenager, things that most kids would be afraid to tell their parent? I told mine… We did everything together. When I moved out and she moved in with her boyfriend we were always on the phone 2, 6 times a day. We spent almost every weekend together. As you can see, it is as I said. An extremely close relationship.
When I got sick at the age of 22 it was my mom who took over (my ex was useless in this capacity) she did everything possible for me and let me tell you, it was pure hell. She went through hell with me over and over again..So in 1999 while we knew she was ill we never ever expected to get the diagnosis we did nor the prognosis. I, just like my mom had always done in a crisis, kicked into gear and did what I had too never stopping to mourn, never stopping to feel sorry for myself. The “do what needs to be done switch’ flipped on and I never stopped. Well then she passed away and that is when it all fell down on me. I withdrew into a massive black hole. I was completely numb. So I turned to spending. I bought almost everything you can think of.. I got hooked on QVC and HSN and just spent and spent and spent. This went on for years…
I think I will stop here because there is much more to this post than just what I’ve shared up until now. So if you’re still interested and would like to know more, check back tomorrow.
Can you relate to any of this?