Hey everyone

Haven’t posted in a bit. Haven’t had the mind to. I like many others have just been devastated by the passing of Michael Jackson. The last 2 weeks have been sort of fog like. Yesterday’s memorial was… the only word that comes to mind is, surreal with a punch of reality here and there…

Surreal in that, although there has been pretty much non stop media coverage since his death on June 25th somehow it doesn’t seem real. Then yesterday when you got the first look at his casket was when the first punch of reality was thrown and it was a complete knock out. As I sat staring at my TV screen along with millions of others, when I got my first look at his casket I said to my husband, good God, I can’t believe he’s in there, this makes it real and as I said that, the next thing I heard the newsman say was “Wow, that makes the whole thing real doesn’t it”…I was glad to know that I was not the only one who couldn’t wrap their brain around Michael Jackson actually being dead and to be honest, it still doesn’t feel 100% real.. Not sure it ever will…

The memorial yesterday had many touching, and a few heart wrenching moments but, the ones that stood out for myself were, Brook Shields talking about her friendship with Michael. It was not shocking to me the things she was saying but there have been a few people who have told me since then, they now see Michael as a real person because of her words. Stevie Wonder sang “I never dreamed you’d leave in summer” to Michael and as much as I am not a fan of Usher, he sang Michael’s song ” Gone too soon” very appropriate songs to sing.. Jermaine Jackson, who has also been a favorite of mine since I was a little girl sang Michaels favorite song, “Smile” which comes from one of comes from one of Charlie Chaplains movies. Also very appropriate..At the end of the memorial his family went up on stage and Marlin did most of the speaking and his pain was horribly palpable. The last to say something was Michaels 11 year old daughter Paris who could simply say “Ever since I was born Daddy was the best daddy in the world and I love him so much”…

Some critics have said that they shouldn’t have let Paris speak..and I have to say to those critics, how dare you?.. She is an 11 year old child who just lost her daddy who was her entire world in the blink of an eye and I think it was “VERY” appropriate for her to speak and say what she feels. I was a 9 year old little girl who’s daddy was her whole world and lost him the same way Paris did. In the blink of an eye. Here one minute gone the next. At 39 I understand that little girls pain and fear and I am glad for herself she took the mic and spoke.. It was something she felt she needed to do and nothing that entire day got anymore real than that.

I felt a little silly in a way for crying as much as I did yesterday. It pretty much began around 12 pm as I was on my way home from food shopping and Michaels music came on the radio and I don’t think I stopped until almost midnight. By midnight I had a pounding headache was just emotionally spent. I then found today from talking to people, there are many others out there who are feeling the same way I am.. Simply put,….heartbroken. Even today as I hear his music the tears still come.. People who don’t understand ask why. Well, to us fans who loved him, Michael wasn’t just another singer. Aside from being the best entertainer we have ever known, anyone who is in their 30s and 40’s grew up with Michael. We loved him from the beginning. Michael to us was magic.. We were there with him when his solo career exploded on the scene. When Michael was on stage or in a video, he didn’t just perform he made magic. He was a magic man to us…He was also part of our childhoods that has now passed away with him.. When I was a teen, I didn’t know any other kid, including myself, who did not have the red leather jacket, the zippered pants, the hat, “the glove”, every inch of wall space in our bedrooms were plastered with Michael posters,every album,all the magazines, and none of us ever missed a chance to see him on TV or be there at the world premier on MTV of one of his new videos and we ALL remember the night he did the moon walk for the first time on TV for the world. It was complete magic. Michael was magic and now that magic for all of us is now gone.. Because we all “grew” with Michael and his music his fans actually loved him in a real way.. and these are the reasons that myself and millions of other fans are still so very devastated by his passing that it somehow just doesn’t seem real and the world seems a bit colder now.

In closing I have to say, as of now I am more than disgusted with the media. I didn’t think I could dislike them anymore than I already did until now.. In the last 2 weeks most of them have all talked about his wonderful career all the “good” he did for millions and how much his fans meant to him etc etc but these are the same people who not to long ago were ripping him to shreds every chance they got and now all the sudden they all feel so badly? It honestly makes my stomach turn when I think about it..I understand many people thought Michael was odd and strange but none of us were truly “in” his life. He only seemed strange because people refused to look past the garbage that was said about him and the ridiculous headlines and look at Michael. All you had to do was listen to his music, really “listen” to his words and you would know what kind of man he was…As for any of the ugly allegations against him, I don’t care what anyone has ever said or will say, I have never believed and never will believe that Michael ever hurt a child..I will NEVER believe that….

I only wish that Michael was shown the love he has been in the last 2 weeks and will continue to be shown while he was alive. I know for myself, I will always miss him but he will always live in his music and in the hearts of those who love him…

We love you Michael, rest in peace until we meet again….

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